Overflowing with Joy

By the end of Friday night (chemo day) I felt like my heart was going to explode! The overwhelming feeling of love really brought to life the 23rd psalm of David, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.


My heart is running over with unspeakable joy! Our Small Group met as we do every Friday night at our home. It is the highlight of our week catching up with fellow believers, sharing prayer requests and praises and studying Romans 3. Our discussions are always lively and get us digging deeper into God's written word. 


I was surprised by Mark who showed up with a ski cap on his head. He explained that his head was extraordinarily cold and as he pulled his cap off .... a bald head was revealed! He had just shaved off his hair before coming! It looked just like mine! David got a kick out of that. He said, "It's like mommy's bald head." David has been witnessing my daily hair loss. He touches it and we laugh about it. 

Mark - thanks for supporting me in the "Bald is Beautiful" stage!

Hair loss started on Sunday and by Thursday it was pretty much gone. Tim, David and I went to the community college barbering school Thursday night and all got hair cuts. I was blessed that my friend Sharie was at school that night and she was able to shave what was left of my hair. Looking in the mirror...uhhhh...well....it certainly was different! Although the hair was uni formally short some spots were darker than others so it was weird. I was interested in other people's reactions but no one really gave me strange looks. Hmmmm, what does that say? Ideas anyone?


Friday blessings continued when Annie blessed me with a nice plushy throw blanket (she knows how cold it is at our house!). Thank you Alyssa for taking David all day and making him feel so very special. He loves you very much! While we were away for the day 3 lovely ladies from church came and made the house sparkle and shine!! I am debating over mentioning anyone's name because I certainly don't want to leave anyone out. But, I want to say Thank You Alison, Kim and Lori!!  

I want to acknowledge and express my gratitude to every single person who has reached out to our family with so many expressions of love. I just don't know how to do that because there are soooo many people.  I do see a common denominator though - God. God's hand is seen in every single act of kindness, every prayer said, every meal prepared, every hat crocheted, every friendly touch, every car ride, every card sent, and the list goes on. How can anyone be so very blessed by God through His people? It's unfathomable -- how wide, how high, how deep is the love of Christ. I am in awe once again.

Mom helped me make a Wall of Cards!

Thanks for prayers JJ, Tim and Alyssa!

The "one-eyed David" and his Helmet of Salvation 

Thanks mom for making memories with David!

Chemo #2

Feb 3

Thanks to nurse Dave for taking good care of me and explaining things to me! I appreciate you:-)

I am sitting in the chemo chair right now. It's a very comfortable room with about 15 cushy, leather recliners.  The Power Port has proven to be a great choice vs. IV needles in the arm. A little topical lotion called lidocaine on the Power Port one hour before treatment is sufficient to numb the area where the needle goes in. I was somewhat nervous about that needle prick because the port is still a bit sensitive. But it went in without a pinch – unlike the IV. Praise the Lord!! So they were able to draw some blood without any problem.

We met with the nurse practitioner and she said my blood work looks "good". I remembered to ask, "What does "good" mean?" My white AND red blood cell counts are marginally low but this is expected due to the chemo. The platelets are in the normal range so this gives the Doctor the "green light" for treatment today.  

Now it's chemo time. Needle already in place, I am given preventative "premeds"  --  Benadryl to avoid an allergic reactions, some antibiotic, a histamine, and 1 or 2  anti-nausea drugs. The 1st chemo drug takes 4 hours to administer. The 2^nd chemo drug takes 30 minutes.

"We" came prepared with questions for both the nurse practitioner and the pain mgmt doctor I was seeing today – I really mean that Mom came prepared with questions. She has been my advocate, researcher, and information source, and finder of answers. She has been reading everything she can get her hands on. Everyone needs someone like this because I have not felt like reading ANY thing about cancer. I think many days I am in denial. When I feel good I happily joke around and kinda "forget" that I am as sick as I am. I just don't "feel" that sick. But the days when I do feel the pains there are a lot of tears and sobbing words, "I don't want to be sick".

I have never asked "Why God? or Why Me?" maybe because the question really is, "Why Not Me?" Death is inevitable. Life is a precious present filled with God's grace and mercy - if you accept it. We are all condemned to hell because of our sin against God. God is the Creator of all including our bodies so He makes the rules. I just have to learn what those "rules" are, abide in Christ who helps me obey God and put my trust in the facts, as teacher Beth Moore explains:

   (1) God is who He says He is,

   (2) God can do what He says He can do.

   (3) I am who God says I am.

   (4) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

   (5) God's word is alive and active in me.

Praise the Lord I have put my faith in Jesus and His shedding of blood and death on the cross to "cover" my sins. So when I stand before our Holy God, God sees Jesus and not this sinner. If I died today I rest assured that I will spend eternity with God, the Creator of all. It's intimidating not knowing exactly what that will really look like. BUT….I know we have a loving Father so I can only imagine a glorious place He has established and living in the presence of the Almighty God!

Tim, the Love of my life...so loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, trustworthy,
and self-controlled! Thank you for allowing me to be your wife!
Thank you for being by my side...for better or for worse.
I love you truly.

Preparing for Chemo Treatment #2

Friday Feb 3 will be Chemo #2. Some say that subsequent treatments are harder to recover from. We shall see how my body responds. I am feeling better than 2.5 weeks ago, although I had a very rough day Monday. Again, the meds -- just when you think you have it figured "it" out, it changes.

I appreciate your prayers for Friday's treatment at 9:30 and the recovery. It's a 4.5 hour  IV treatment. Tim and Mom will be with me. The Chemo Dr. says it's important for me to keep my weight up. That has never been a problem -- keeping my weight higher than I would like it to be!! Praise the Lord for Tim, Mom and the dr and nurses at the cancer center.

Power Port Installation

Friday Jan 27th I had a port installed into my chest. The port will alleviate the need to put any needles into my wiggly veins. A couple people undergoing treatment at the chemo center told me they were so glad to have the port and wished they had done it sooner. The port allows me to take treatments, have blood drawn, receive meds, and it will be helpful during surgery.

The surgery itself went great. The PA performing the surgery, nurses and assistants were fabulous. I had local anesthesia so I was able to carry on some what of a conversation with them:-) When they had wheeled me into the OR, good ole' Hank Williams was singing a cryin' song so I asked if they took music requests.  They let me choose contemporary Christian music to play during the procedure! I said,  "I hope you are all blessed by this music!" Next thing I knew it was over.

Tim and I went to Costco after that. We had small group bible study that Friday night. We always look forward to Friday nights with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Tim conducts the study and our discussions are lively. We are currently studying Romans.

Gay brought a bagful of hand-knitted hats! What a blessing -- so many choices and all of them beautifully made by Gay! I sported my wig for the evening and got a kick out of swinging it around!! As the lidocaine wore off....ughhhhh...it was hard to smile and move my head. Smiling pulled at the central catheter in my neck vein. Needless to say it was painful. I had had 2 incisions in my right chest just below the collar bone. The catheter was threaded into my vein and attached to the 1"x1" Power Port sewn in between the chest wall and skin. The port is strange because it's like a 1/2" bump protruding under the skin. It was hard to sleep comfortably that night. Tears. So grateful for my wonderful husband Tim -- always praying for me and making sure I am comfortable.He helped me use the relaxation techniques Jennifer shared with us a couple weeks ago. Another blessing of a friend.

Saturday was a little better, but later that night we HAD to focus my attention on a movie--Jerusalem Countdown. Good movie. We had a surprise visitor (Hi Annie!) stop by and join us for the movie!! SO grateful for friends and family:-)

We often show David mommy's "booboos" and he has been so compassionate asking, "how are you?", "how do you feel?", "what's wrong mommy?" I will pray for you, "Dear Jesus heal mommy's hurts in Jesus' name!" David is another miracle story which I hope to tell. OH how we love him -- such a loving gift from his birth mom. We love her soooo much.

Hair adaptations!!

Thankfully Ashley makes house calls! 1st hair chopping

Viola! This IS short!

Sportin' a new hat for church! Below - Another hair cut after church --taking it to the next level thanks to Mom and Tim!

Yukkkkkkk - bye, bye hair!

So thankful that my brother Mark came to visit

Finally long, straight hair!! It's nice and warm on my head too! 

The effects of Chemo #1

My first chemo treatment was Friday Feb 13. My "treat" for making it through the 4.5 hour IV session was sushi!! Yum yum. The first day of treatment I felt pretty good, although I was under the influence of methadone. We had small group that night and the love was overwhelming. We are so grateful to have such a wonderful group of Christian brothers and sisters!!!

Saturday through Monday was a blurr due to heavy meds. Thank God for Mom and Tim who were on top of helping me eat, drink, stay comfortable, and get me the right dose of pills as needed.

Monday we saw the Pain Management Dr. He was ready with pen and prescription pad. He approved taking me off of methadone and gave me some OTC and prescription meds to help with the bowels. I praise God that I was (and still am) able to use Ibuprofen to manage the pain(s). Of course there are all the other symptoms like nausea, constipation, tiredness, lack of motivation, and sadness to sort out. The medicine and body reactions are all so complicated, but being able to find the right combinations of meds and the timing of taking them helps manage the symptoms and pains. I think it's just like a raising a child, just when you think you have the routine down, something changes and you have to start figuring it out all over again.  Managing meds which in turn helps manage the body's performances and aches helps to feel a little more in control of what seems out of my control. In the words of our 2 year old David (and the "Super Why" cartoon super readers), "That sounds like a big ploblem!"

Some tumors are pressing on my colon and my spleen so keeping the bowels running is vital. Otherwise I start to feel like my tummy is full, I can't take another pill or I'll vomit, and then the pains remind me of how sick I am. That's depressing!

I went in for the NADR (?) test 6 days after the 1st treatment, which is the followup to check my white and red blood cell count. They said "It looked good." I don't really know what "good" means so that's a question to ask next time. They said that I should be at "my lowest immune system point" in the middle of my treatments. The treatments are 3 weeks apart.

About week 2 after treatment #1, I was told that I would be losing my hair since that is a side effect of one of the 2 chemo drugs I am given. I had my hair cut short at week 1 so I wouldn't freak out with any clumps of hair in my hand or on my pillow or in the shower. Sunday - about a week later - mom and Tim cut my hair even shorter. That was just in time because it started coming out Sunday morning as I got ready for church! Thankfully on Friday night a dear friend in our Small Group bible study brought some hats she had knitted and offered a beautiful array of choices for me. Just in time!! God is good :-)

As I was primping in the bathroom before going into church service, I was adjusting the fringes at the temple hairline and nice clump came out! I had to laugh! I was so grateful to have a beautiful hat to hide my head under!! Since I had a little bit of bang left I opted not to wear the beautiful wig that I had shopped for on Thursday with Josie - what a blessing to have such wonderful, caring friends.

Yes the wig -- what fun to finally have long, straight hair!! And it's very warm on my head this time of year! We received a lot of information about how to care for hairless heads. I had been given an overview about the head/hair sensitivity a couple weeks ago from another dear friend who brought over a surprise basket full of skin, head, reading, movie, relaxation and beverage comforts!! She opened my eyes to what was to come, so I was ready to experience wig shopping! I posted some pix for fun!

My hair is just about knee length - when I bend over -but not for long. This was taken the night before it all got chopped off!

Finding a diagnosis

This journey started Labor Day 2011. I was experiencing relatively "normal" stomach/intestinal pains that I thought doctors could diagnose. I was sent to various doctors who had no answers. Two CT scans, an endoscope and colonoscopy, x-rays, various ultrasounds, a trip to the ER, and several blood tests later, I was finally diagnosed - in January - with ovarian cancer -- stage 4. Ughhhh. Why did it take so long? Why couldn't the doctors identify cancer? Why did they keep telling me, "Follow up with me in 3-4 weeks. If the pain gets bad go to the ER." Some doctors even said, "I don't know what to do for you." That was frustrating. So finally we have a diagnosis and can start tackling this. Only with God's help can I walk though this. My prayer requests are for my husband, our 2 and a half year old, my faith to grow, and for God to be glorified through this.