Blessings Abound

Five treatments. Check! I slept all day long in the chair. We actually got to pick a semi-private room so I didn't socialize at all :-(. Went home and slept more until Small Group. I don't even recall if I had dinner, but who can recall what they ate for dinner 6 days prior?

Saturday was truly a God-blessed day. It was absolutely a gorgeous spring day so we headed down to Thanksgiving Point and strolled around the Gardens to enjoy the last day of the Tulip Festival. What a family treat to get out with Tim, Mom and David!! I felt wonderful despite having had chemo just 24 hours before.

After spending the afternoon at the Gardens we came home and I had plenty of energy left to cut the grass. It's just so wonderful to feel well!! Then good friends joined us for a last minute call for a game of Settlers of Catan! What a great day:-). Thanks Alyssa and Michael for topping off a great day!!

Sunday we headed to church and what a heart-hitting sermon we heard from Pastor Jim. Too bad I can't remember any details to share. I do remember that there was a call for prayer just before service for Steven - a friend going through cancer treatments too. Please keep that family in your prayers too. He was admitted to the hospital for shock. Thanks to God he was released the same day. Cancer treatments are truly grueling.

By Sunday evening my energy level dropped and my nausea started up. Fortunately Tim stays on top of my meds and keeps mom updated with what pills and the time(s) they were given. Then he sends her text messages to remind her what pills are due and when. He is amazing. Thanks for keeping him in your prayers too. God knew that I needed a strong, gentle, caring man when He gave me Tim. Funny thing, I warned Tim when we started dating that I was a high-maintenance girl -- emotionally (not financially)!! And he has been able to stay one step ahead of me and my needs!! I am so blessed to be his wife.

Monday and Tuesday I spent the days sleeping. Yuk! Those are the worst days -- sleeping my day(s) away! The nausea is such that I don't feel like drinking water or any liquid. This creates a chain reaction - no or slow bowel movement. No bowel movement, more stool softeners/laxatives, more nausea, more pills, more nausea. It's a horrible cycle. Mom reminded me that time will help me through these difficult days. I just need to do what my body is asking - sleep, sleep, rest and sleep.

Wednesday I was able to go to Bible study with Robyn - thank you Robyn for being so diligent to pick up David Wednesday mornings and take him to play with the kids at church. We are grateful for your time, your caring, and willingness to have David in your care!

Finally it's Thursday and I am starting to feel a little better. It helps when the neighbors have a little cookout and gather together. What a blessing God has given us there -- wonderful, genuinely caring neighbors. Can life get any better?? (The cancer could be gone!).

Thanks for your continued prayers. I have a PT/CT scan Tuesday May 15th. Then a meeting with the surgeon (not yet scheduled). Perhaps surgery will come the end of May/beginning of June. David will be 3 on May 31st so I am hoping to be out of the hospital to celebrate his birthday.

Please, pray please...

I am looking at chemo treatment #5 Friday April 27th. I can hardly believe I have 4 treatments "under my belt". Actually, I can hardly believe I have cancer! It totally sucks. My mom sent me a saying on paper, "Chemo sucks...but if it sucks the cancer out of you it's great!"

I read some disturbing news last week -- "People die of metastatic disease. They don't die from primary tumors." The article was (is) about researchers trying to "interrupt cancer's travel plans." I try not to read about cancer because it reminds me that I have the wretched disease.

I know people survive cancer like mine (peritoneal cancer that has metastasized). I know God has cured people with cancer. I know God has allowed people with the exact same diagnosis to live long lives with the disease. BUT I am still in tears. David asked me today, "Mommy why hasn't Jesus healed you?" He is nearly 3 and asking such big questions!

As a friend going through cancer treatments recently wrote on his blog, "I am having to empirically learn that trusting God should come with no emotional expectations attached.  He will be there because He promises to be, not because we can feel him there."

I know God has a plan for me and I trust that He knows what's best for Tim, David, and me. However, my emotions are getting the best of me these days. I am experiencing overwhelming tears at the drop of a hat. My mind is weak and it's difficult to remind myself that God is in control. I understand the chemo as well as this hormone-related cancer are putting me through emotional swings. If that is not enough, how about some menopausal symptoms too?! So…tears come and go just like these new-to-me hot flashes. Boy, they are, shall I say … HOT!!  Do you think anyone would notice if I just pulled my wig off while in the grocery store or outside working in the yard!!  

We are discovering daily that cancer and treatment equal a looooooong haul. Every day presents its challenges. Some days I am energized and enjoying yard work, taking David to the park, or entertaining and cooking for guests. And some days I can only manage to sit on the couch, work on the computer, and/or occupy my mind with a movie. My mood, my physical and emotional health are totally unreliable!! I can serve dinner one minute, then excuse myself from the table because I am too tired to sit at the table (or my tummy hurts, or whatever the reason).

I know people get busy and life DOES go on. Tim is unbelievable and forever serving his family after working all day long. He needs prayer. Mom needs prayer 'cause she is busy all day caring for David and me. I need prayer to be strong and to know how and when to talk to David about life, healing, loving & trusting Jesus no matter what, and death. I feel like the prayers are waning and my strong tower is cracking. Pastor John said I just need to remind people to pray, so here is a reminder.

Thank you so very muchJ

Heading Foward

It's Tuesday and I am feeling pretty good. As a matter of fact I have not felt this good after chemo ever -- yes, I still have nausea and am tired, but I am thankful for a different experience than the previous 3 treatments. Thank you every one for your prayers!! My chemo was Friday. For the first time, I was able to go to church the weekend of chemo! It was especially nice since it was Resurrection Sunday!! The day could not have been any more wonder-filled!! Mom was here to celebrate with us and we saw so many people in our church family. That always puts a smile in my soul!! We are so very blessed to be so loved and cared for at Calvary Chapel.

Easter Sunday was a picture perfect spring day. Although we didn't participate in any of the "normal" Easter bunny stuff or egg hunts we had a great day being together. We played outside, Tim  and David "worked" on tuning up the bicycles and took a little ride around the neighborhood. Mom and I worked in the yard and flower beds a little bit. We took a walk, visited with neighbors, and brought out the patio furniture and grill. I love the spring time. It's Tim's favorite season and I can see why.

Mom took me to my appointment Monday for a Neulasta shot. Boy, I don't remember that hurting so much!!! I cried and cried. I did get to rejoice a little in the news of the CA125 (ovarian cancer indicator test), it's 255! Initially it was 1,675. The normal range is 0-35, so we are getting there.

I continue to ask for your prayers for Tim, David and me. I realize there are so many people in need of prayer and for those of you who are prayer warriors...I appreciate you so much. Thank you for answering God's call to pray! Here is a funny picture of David. He said, "Hey mom, it's an astonishing wig"!! (He has been watching Veggie Tales' "Princess and the Popstar" and there is a short song about "astonishing wigs".)

The "astonishing wig"!

Ready for bike ride with Daddy

Working on the blog!

 

Blessed Redeemer, Jesus Divine

Chemo #4 is finished!! Thanks for the prayers, truly! I was a little anxious going in because chemo #3 was not a good experience --I slept the entire time in "the chair" and then I went home and slept until our Small Group arrived.  I hate feeling tired all the time...urghhh! I didn't want to sleep the day away Friday and then go home and sleep more like chemo #3.  It was Good Friday and we were expecting to host a special Seder Meal with about 20 some people, so we needed to finish setting up the dinner table and making food.

Prior to the day's treatment, we meet with the Doctor or PA for a report on my blood counts and a decision of "yes" or "no" to go ahead with treatment for the day. The PA reported that my blood work was nearly normal and that was encouraging news! However, she wants me to come back Monday for another Neulasta shot to avoid a severe drop in white blood cells like before. Praise God that we have insurance to pay for this shot. I understand it's about $6,000. I pray for those people who don't have insurance. What do they do when faced with these diseases and high medical costs?

Although I did what I most did NOT want to do and that was spend my day in "the chair" sleeping!! Even though the cancer center was very busy and I had never seen so many chairs occupied, I just could not stay awake to be part of many (or any) conversations. Fortunately my bladder awoke me several times so I could visit with people as Tim and I walked to and from the bathroom.

Friends from church were at the center too. Unfortunately they were not there to visit. Steven is getting treatment for cancer too. Steven gets treatment 5 days a week and then he is "off" for 2 weeks then back to treatment for 5 days. It's grueling and taxing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please keep the Roundtree family in your prayers. Steven's wife Jennifer blessed me with a foot massage that put me to sleep! We met this couple nearly 2 years ago when their 3^rd girl was just a newborn.

We left the center later than expected and I was indeed tired. During the drive home I tried to figure out how I could avoid going to bed and sleeping because I wanted to be perky for our guests! We were so grateful to get home and know that David had been well cared for all day.

THANK YOU ALYSSA for watching David all day! What would we do without your love and friendship?! You are a blessing to David, Tim and me!

I settled on the couch, ready to watch Tim pull the tables together, dress them, and get dinner started. A knock on the door soon came and it was another huge BLESSING -- Stephanie and Miranda!! They were delivering the prayer shawl for the Seder Meal. They brightened our day and lifted my spirits 100 fold!! They helped Tim set up the tables and chairs, played with David, visited with me, and loved on us! Thank you God for the little things that mean soooo much! Next thing I knew time flew by, my energy was high, and guests for Seder began to arrive. It was time to get my wig on!!

As Tim had reminded me all week, "God will work it all out", God indeed worked it all out! I had been so occupied with what was on my plate that I could not rest in God and His provision. (What's up with that?!) Our Passover Seder Meal unfolded beautifully and praises go to God! We had the perfect number of chairs for each guest. It was a wonderful evening of participating in the oldest, continuously celebrated holiday in history! It is said that some 16 million Jews and untold believers of the New Covenant join in the celebration which goes back 3500 years!! What a blessed evening of remembrance and sweet fellowship!!

The Seder ("order of service") retells the story of Israel and their deliverance from Egyptian slavery by God's mighty hand. The Seder was also prophetic in nature, looking forward with great insight to the deliverance of man from his slavery to sin through the death of Yeshua (Jesus) (Hebrews 10:1). Once again, God stretched forth His mighty hand to deliver those who were both helpless and helplessly trapped. Thank you Lord again for sending Your Only Begotten Son to die in our place on the cross. We deserve death and instead You offer us life. You are truly amazing, generous and merciful. We need You desperately and we pray that we love You Lord each and every day!

The Seder plate - each element is a portrait of redemption.

Small Group HUG!!! We love you guys!!

The kids had a space of their own.
Thanks Mike and Michael for keeping an eye on them! 

The 3 tables are set.

There were 3 "Mamas" who had minor speaking roles and
were recognized by wearing a scarf on  her head.
Thanks April and Annie!

Chaplain Mary led the entire ceremony and
explained why Jewish people celebrate the Seder
worldwide on Good Friday.

Tim played the role as one of the 3 "Papas"
and wore Stephanie's authentic prayer shawl.

Thanks for bringing my mom here safely too! She arrived just in time to share a meal with us and catch up with our Small Group family. What a beautiful Good Friday for us.

Arghhhh--stop complaining and be grateful!!!

So what do you do when you find yourself crying for no reason at all? That has been my day. And a lot of the week. Poor David has received the brunt of my horrible mood. He has been sick all week long too and I pray I don't get his cold. There is so much to do and I can hardly pull myself together before noon to get in the shower! It's hard to do nothing all day, but it's about all I do. I don't understand how people actually live (and like) that kind of lifestyle. I am more of a DO-er than a BE-er, so ending my day without accomplishing one thing is depressing and discouraging. I feel like so much weight is on Tim these days yet he never complains -- probably because I complain enough for both of us!! Lord, please help me NOT to complain and to be content EVERY day and in everything!

I have chemo #4 coming up this Friday. I am so hoping it is better than chemo #3 which had me sleeping all day while receiving treatment and then going home and sleeping until Small Group started arriving. I hope I will be able to take a little nap this time, wake up and feel totally refreshed while I catch up on reading or computer stuff during treatment. This Friday I am counting on feeling good since we are hosting a Christian Seder Supper and expecting about 20 people!! God will work out the details of where everyone is going to sit! Plus, my mom is arriving Friday night!!!

Thanks in advance for your prayers for Friday -- successful treatment, preparing food, the Seder table, and house for Seder Meal and guests.

Happy Easter - praying we all remember why Jesus died on the cross for each of us and how God raised him from the dead after 3 days! Thank you God for sending us the ultimate, sacrificial lamb and that you no longer require animal sacrifices to seek your forgiveness and friendship.

A normal family getaway!!

I am so grateful for long weekends! Tim is fortunate enough to get every other Friday off of work so we took advantage of it and headed south to the sunny rocky places of Zion National Park. God how awesome are your works!! It was so wonderful to get away from the city and go on some hikes with Tim and David.  David could throw rocks into the water all day long. What a great kid we have! Unfortunately he developed croup Friday night so we took him to the Insta Care Saturday morning. It was only a mile away and we were the only ones there so we were in and out in less than half an hour!

 

Can you see the rock that is winking with a smile? Tim has a great eye!

Zion National Park - Thank you God for your wondrous works!

 

Beautiful combination -- blue-green water and red sandstone shoreline

Rock throwing...ker... plunk!

Can you ever run out of rocks to throw into the water? Yes. You can.

Feeling good! Nice to be in the warmth of the sun at Sand Hollow Lake!

It was so windy at Sand Hollow State Park. David found the perfect alcove to get out of the wind!

We headed back on Sunday. Just in time. It turned pretty cold over night. Saturday it was in the low 80s and Sunday, it turned back to winter. After church we had lunch in our motel room then packed up the car and by then it started to rain and snow. It was in the low 40s and dropping fast. Tim drove the entire way back to SLC through the mountains, sleet, rain, snow and low visibility.

It was just 2 years ago almost exactly to the day that we drove from Indiana to Utah for Tim to begin his new job. We had wonderful weather driving for 3 full days and then just a couple hours shy of reaching SLC we ran into a winter snow storm in Wyoming. Well, God took care of us then just as he did all weekend. Thank you Lord for your mercy and grace each and every day!

Oh Happy Day, Happy Day

Are you familiar with the song, "Oh Happy Day, Happy Day. You washed my sins away. Oh Happy Day, Happy Day..."? (Here it is.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwJV-qVUXuI&feature=related).

You just CAN NOT sit still when this song plays! I first heard it from our wonderful worship leader, (Chris Stevens) at Reddington Christian church. What a great song!! Then when I had my turn watching the kiddos at church, Chris' son Jordan (age 3 at that time) belted out this song with his air guitar! THAT is a great memory and one of my favorite songs to sing to God!!

We saw the GYN oncology surgeon yesterday and she was very thorough. She said she was surprised that I was responding so well to the chemotherapy! Because there is much progress (praise to God), she recommended that we continue with more chemo (at least 2 more treatments) and then evaluate again with a CT scan and then think about surgery. Right now the tumors are shrinking but still attached to organs, the ascities (fluid in the abdomen and chest) is pretty much gone and the thickening of the omentum is actually shrinking too. The lymph nodes in the arm pits don't seem to be changing but we cannot know what exactly is going on since there may be scar tissue, or slow drainage or who knows. But, she is hopeful and if the tumors continue to shrink the surgery may be less invasive meaning she can leave more of the colon. SO KEEP PRAYING!!!

I really appreciate your continued prayers for me, Tim and David. Tim and I celebrated 5 years of married life this past weekend! We are so grateful that God brought us together. That story is a miracle itself! And then if that wasn't enough, God topped off our beautiful marriage with the miraculous adoption of David nearly 3 years ago. What a great kid!! He continues to ask how my tummy feels. And he understands that I can't carry him sometimes because my tummy still hurts. Every so often he asks to see and touch the port in my chest. Often he reminds me to laugh at myself and about life ... when I take off my wig or hat I ask him if he wants to touch my bald head and he does and says, "that's so silly!"

I have got to laugh at myself...it really helps not to take life so seriously. BUT there are those days too when I think about the possibility of David growing old without me as his mommy. I praise God that I continue to trust God and am confident that He knows what is best for me, for David and for Tim. Although I want to be around a LOOOONNNNG time, God is the One in charge, He is the Lifter of my head, and He allows me to fly on wings like eagles. Thank you God for being involved personally in my life, for loving me when I'm unlovable, for providing in abundance for us financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

My mom is coming April 6th!!! Another praise!