Arghhhh--stop complaining and be grateful!!!

So what do you do when you find yourself crying for no reason at all? That has been my day. And a lot of the week. Poor David has received the brunt of my horrible mood. He has been sick all week long too and I pray I don't get his cold. There is so much to do and I can hardly pull myself together before noon to get in the shower! It's hard to do nothing all day, but it's about all I do. I don't understand how people actually live (and like) that kind of lifestyle. I am more of a DO-er than a BE-er, so ending my day without accomplishing one thing is depressing and discouraging. I feel like so much weight is on Tim these days yet he never complains -- probably because I complain enough for both of us!! Lord, please help me NOT to complain and to be content EVERY day and in everything!

I have chemo #4 coming up this Friday. I am so hoping it is better than chemo #3 which had me sleeping all day while receiving treatment and then going home and sleeping until Small Group started arriving. I hope I will be able to take a little nap this time, wake up and feel totally refreshed while I catch up on reading or computer stuff during treatment. This Friday I am counting on feeling good since we are hosting a Christian Seder Supper and expecting about 20 people!! God will work out the details of where everyone is going to sit! Plus, my mom is arriving Friday night!!!

Thanks in advance for your prayers for Friday -- successful treatment, preparing food, the Seder table, and house for Seder Meal and guests.

Happy Easter - praying we all remember why Jesus died on the cross for each of us and how God raised him from the dead after 3 days! Thank you God for sending us the ultimate, sacrificial lamb and that you no longer require animal sacrifices to seek your forgiveness and friendship.

A normal family getaway!!

I am so grateful for long weekends! Tim is fortunate enough to get every other Friday off of work so we took advantage of it and headed south to the sunny rocky places of Zion National Park. God how awesome are your works!! It was so wonderful to get away from the city and go on some hikes with Tim and David.  David could throw rocks into the water all day long. What a great kid we have! Unfortunately he developed croup Friday night so we took him to the Insta Care Saturday morning. It was only a mile away and we were the only ones there so we were in and out in less than half an hour!

 

Can you see the rock that is winking with a smile? Tim has a great eye!

Zion National Park - Thank you God for your wondrous works!

 

Beautiful combination -- blue-green water and red sandstone shoreline

Rock throwing...ker... plunk!

Can you ever run out of rocks to throw into the water? Yes. You can.

Feeling good! Nice to be in the warmth of the sun at Sand Hollow Lake!

It was so windy at Sand Hollow State Park. David found the perfect alcove to get out of the wind!

We headed back on Sunday. Just in time. It turned pretty cold over night. Saturday it was in the low 80s and Sunday, it turned back to winter. After church we had lunch in our motel room then packed up the car and by then it started to rain and snow. It was in the low 40s and dropping fast. Tim drove the entire way back to SLC through the mountains, sleet, rain, snow and low visibility.

It was just 2 years ago almost exactly to the day that we drove from Indiana to Utah for Tim to begin his new job. We had wonderful weather driving for 3 full days and then just a couple hours shy of reaching SLC we ran into a winter snow storm in Wyoming. Well, God took care of us then just as he did all weekend. Thank you Lord for your mercy and grace each and every day!

Oh Happy Day, Happy Day

Are you familiar with the song, "Oh Happy Day, Happy Day. You washed my sins away. Oh Happy Day, Happy Day..."? (Here it is.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwJV-qVUXuI&feature=related).

You just CAN NOT sit still when this song plays! I first heard it from our wonderful worship leader, (Chris Stevens) at Reddington Christian church. What a great song!! Then when I had my turn watching the kiddos at church, Chris' son Jordan (age 3 at that time) belted out this song with his air guitar! THAT is a great memory and one of my favorite songs to sing to God!!

We saw the GYN oncology surgeon yesterday and she was very thorough. She said she was surprised that I was responding so well to the chemotherapy! Because there is much progress (praise to God), she recommended that we continue with more chemo (at least 2 more treatments) and then evaluate again with a CT scan and then think about surgery. Right now the tumors are shrinking but still attached to organs, the ascities (fluid in the abdomen and chest) is pretty much gone and the thickening of the omentum is actually shrinking too. The lymph nodes in the arm pits don't seem to be changing but we cannot know what exactly is going on since there may be scar tissue, or slow drainage or who knows. But, she is hopeful and if the tumors continue to shrink the surgery may be less invasive meaning she can leave more of the colon. SO KEEP PRAYING!!!

I really appreciate your continued prayers for me, Tim and David. Tim and I celebrated 5 years of married life this past weekend! We are so grateful that God brought us together. That story is a miracle itself! And then if that wasn't enough, God topped off our beautiful marriage with the miraculous adoption of David nearly 3 years ago. What a great kid!! He continues to ask how my tummy feels. And he understands that I can't carry him sometimes because my tummy still hurts. Every so often he asks to see and touch the port in my chest. Often he reminds me to laugh at myself and about life ... when I take off my wig or hat I ask him if he wants to touch my bald head and he does and says, "that's so silly!"

I have got to laugh at myself...it really helps not to take life so seriously. BUT there are those days too when I think about the possibility of David growing old without me as his mommy. I praise God that I continue to trust God and am confident that He knows what is best for me, for David and for Tim. Although I want to be around a LOOOONNNNG time, God is the One in charge, He is the Lifter of my head, and He allows me to fly on wings like eagles. Thank you God for being involved personally in my life, for loving me when I'm unlovable, for providing in abundance for us financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

My mom is coming April 6th!!! Another praise!

Hopeful Report. Surgeon visit Monday to determine next step.

Yippee the wait is mostly over! I talked with the oncologist yesterday and she said the tumors are reducing!! Thank you Lord Jesus. The largest one which was about 5cm and some change had gone down to 3 and change. I guess that was one of the "cysts" that had been found on my ovary during an ER visit back at Thanksgiving. I don't really know since this is the first time I heard of any tumors being measured. Ahhh the things we patients don't know! The fluid in my abdomen and chest is dissipating. The "thickening" of the omentum is a little more stubborn; but it too is slowly decreasing. The omentum is what still causes my pain on the right side. She said the lesions (tumors) on the spleen are decreasing. Maybe they won't have to take that out after all!

I am meeting with the GYN oncologist surgeon Monday at 3:30. My hope is that she will see that there isn't any need to remove as many organs as she initially thought. Perhaps the colon will not need to be removed. We shall see. She will be the one to make the recommendation of what to do next -- surgery or more chemo.

Today and tomorrow are prayer and fasting days at our church for those of us who are struck with illnesses. Please remember to pray for the individuals as well as their families. Thank you!! Our freind Annette who had throat cancer surgery 2 weeks ago today (12 hour surgery) has been home for over a week. Her tongue has been reconstructed and she is able to speak clearly, and she does NOT have to go through any chemo or radiation!! Thank YOU again dear Jesus! You are so kind and compassionate to us.

Lord thank You for my doctor report and the hope that comes with it. While my eternal hope rests in You, the hope I have to live a long life with David and Tim shines again. I am pleading Lord that you allow me time on earth to raise David into a responsible, God-fearing man and that Tim and I can grow gray (already there) and very old together!! Amen.

Still waiting

The cancer center called me today regarding my latest CT scan. Unfortunately they did not get the information they requested (a comparison with the previous CT scan) so we have no information about the latest scan. I may be having a 4th chemo treatment on Friday, but I won't know until Thursday afternoon.

I am still feeling quite tired these days although  David was able to have a friend over today and we all got along well. Then David and I walked to the mailbox which is at the end of our street. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful boy! I pray earnestly that God will allow me time to be his mommy until I'm at least 100. It was such a beautiful day today that we even pulled some weeds, pruned some bushes, swept out the garage, and visited with the neighbors.

God has been so good to us by providing this wonderful home in a neighborhood filled with caring people. We are so grateful. We have been in our home just over a year now and feel like we have been here for years.

I recently read that some cancers stop responding to chemo after so many treatments. I guess it's like antibiotics losing their effectiveness if over used. It makes me a little nervous since I have already had 3 treatments and will likely have 3-6 more after surgery. Surgery is going to be pretty invasive. I only met with the surgeon when I was first diagnosed back in early January. At that time she was talking about removing my spleen, uterus, ovaries, and part or all of the colon. I wonder what she will say now. I wonder if the treatments have been effective enough to save part of the colon. I wonder if the chemo treatments will be effective after surgery.

This weekend is the prayer vigil. Prayer and Fasting March 23 & 24. Lord help me to be a prayer warrior for others.

CT Scan - waiting results

The Neulasta shot seemed to help A LOT!! My white blood cell count last Monday was very high, praise the Lord. Good thing I was scheduled to be at the doctor's Monday because indeed I was not feeling well -- sore throat, tired, nausea and dizziness. I think it was just sinus drainage, but nevertheless I did have a fever of 100.2. That doesn't sound too alarming but apparently when going through chemo treatments you are advised to call the doctor asap if you have a fever of 100.4 or higher  Because my white blood cell count was/is high my body was/is in a much better position to fight whatever it is that I have. So I have been on antibiotics this past week. I think I spent 3 full days in bed sleeping this past week and then sleeping all night too. Is it possible to sleep too much??

It's very difficult to lay around on the couch and watch Tim do all the "simple" things I normally do -- cook, clean, keep David occupied, etc. It's hard to just be a spectator of Daddy and David's playtime. The tears seem to flow more easily and often these days without cause or reason. Maybe it's because I can't get up and do what I want to do when I want to do it. Maybe because I can't play my family role like I used to. David's laughter, actions and words certainly add sunshine to gloomy moments. Tim finds energy to continually give more than 100% these days while I can hardly give 5%. "For better or worse". I am glad that Tim takes those words very seriously. It's interesting that David has adopted my words, "I just feel like crying" when he can't express what he wants when on the verge of crying.

Lately David helps Mommy and Daddy with words like "Alfred" or "Larry Boy" (Veggie Tales Characters) by asking us, "can you say, 'al' ?" and then he smiles and waits for us to repeat the syllable after him. Then he says, "can you say, 'fred' ?" Once we say the whole word he says, "Alfred. Good job!"  I feel so behind with teaching him because he is apparently ready for more than what I can give him right now!! He is the boy wonder!! (at least to me:-)

One last note...I had my CT scan Friday. (that was my 3rd) I hope to hear something from the doctor the beginning of the week. However my appointment with my oncologist is not until Friday the 23rd so I may have to wait ALL week to find out the results. The scan will let them know if surgery is the next step or another round of chemo.

Our 5 year anniversary is March 24th!!

Reminder to everyone....PRAYER VIGIL March 23 & 24. So please put us (and others in our church suffering from illnesses) on your calendar for prayer!!

Recovering and seeking answers

Last Monday I had the Neulasta shot which is to help boost my white blood cell count. I will have a blood test tomorrow to see what the outcome is:-).

I have been so tired since Chemo #3 (Feb 2). Actually I was tired the week before treatment. Not sure if it was me trying to fight a cold since Tim and David have been fighting and experiencing colds or if that last chemo totally wiped me out, or a combo of both. It would be nice to have answers.

Speaking of answers we have been watching DVDs, reading books, listening to herbalists, etc trying to get a better understanding on nutrition and and relationship it has to fighting cancer. It's so very frustrating because each channel we go through we find convincing "evidence" on this or that remedy or cancer diet. We need God's wisdom desperately. With all these human attempts to provide convincing information, we find contradictions! How can one truly know what is best for the body other than the Maker??  So we are seeking God for His guidance. I would love to NOT be limited in my diet, but at the same time, I learn toward wanting to do what is best for my body and the possibly reversing the effects of cancer. God guide us and give us wisdom PLEASE!!!


A CT scan is scheduled for Friday March 16, 9am. God, here is an opportunity to be Glorified among readers of this site, our local & worldwide church body, the medical professionals on this case, and us the afflicted. We know your ways are higher than ours and we trust that whatever the outcome of the scan that you have our best interest at heart! Help us to accept Your Will in our lives and to praise You in all circumstances!!

I have some awesome pictures to share while Nana Nellie was here. We were so blessed to have her here! Here energy level was greater than David's and I was able to sleep a lot. Thank you so much Nana!

David and Nana working on a new puzzle book

Celebrating Tim's Birthday at PF Chiang's

Hard to hold still for pictures!!

Nana and her Christian Soldier sporting his Helmet of Salvation,
Sword of Truth and Shield of Faith!

Happy early Birthday! - Enjoy the cash register!

See you soon Nana. We miss you too much!!!!

Thank you again to and for our local church family, and 100s of friends and family around the globe praying for us, bringing us meals, carting me and David to and from appointments and activities, caring for me, Tim, and David. We are so very loved and blessed.